My life with Autism, Dyspraxia & Learning Difficulties
As a young boy, I was diagnosed with Asperger’s, at times I didn’t want to believe it. I said to my mother are you sure I have it? Later on, after researching it I knew I had it. I also have Dsyparxia which is a coordination disability and general learning difficulties. Honestly, it’s hard to keep up with how all of these affect me at times.
Now not everyone is the same just because they have Aspergers or any form of Autism, we are all different and have different things that affect us. I don’t personally have issues with light or sound like others do and I am actually pretty good at eye contact finally after a long time of finding it hard to do. In job interviews, I’ve been told I interviewed well and I am generally pretty confident during them and can think of something to say on the fly if I need to.
One big issue I have is that I find it hard to hold down a job, I have been fired a few times for being too slow, my speed is my speed, I don’t mean to be slow but I am just slower at tasks than most people I guess? I think it’s a mix of all three disabilities I have making me slower if I had to guess and I literally can’t help that. Learning difficulties making it harder to learn things, Dyspraxia making me take longer to do tasks are just two examples. I have told people in the past and most don’t believe I have Aspergers, one person even thought I was mocking people with Autism by pretending I had it, I assured them I have it all right.
I have tried to be open with employees too but if I write it down on a job application they often don’t mention it or if I tell them in an interview they don’t seem to care. I remember telling an interviewer I have Aspergers and she looked at me and then carried on with her questions. So now I don’t mention anything until I have to, normally when I am close to getting fired for performance issues but at that point, they don’t seem to care really.
Another thing is my memory isn’t very good which can be something people with Asperger's have to deal with. I need to be told something a few times before I know it and it’s the same for names, I need to hear a name a few times before I remember it. I might be wrong, but at times, I feel like people think I’m stupid because I don’t remember things that I should. I just need more time and patience is all and not everyone gives you either.
People with Aspergers can also find it hard to make friends but thankfully I have three close friends, we have been friends for years and I believe will be forever. For many years I had friends then I lost contact and was totally friendless for a few years, some people with Aspergers I’ve spoken to and heard from don’t care about making friends but I am the total opposite. I need friends to be happy, I’ve been lonely without friends and life was miserable. I do feel that nowadays that even without Aspergers or any disability at all, people find making friends to be difficult, many people are lonely and they don’t have any disabilities at all. I do like my alone time though but it’s my choice to be alone at times, I am not lonely during these times because it’s my choice and I can always contact a friend If I do feel lonely.
My Dyspraxia makes tying my shoelaces annoying, I can tie them but sometimes I’ll not tie them well enough and they come undone. As a kid though I literally just walked around with them untied at times so I have improved and on a lucky day, my shoelaces never get untied! My Dyspraxia adds to my slowness on certain tasks, it may seem easy to you but to me, it’s a challenge and not everyone can understand that. I feel like as I’ve grown up, I have improved but my coordination is never going to be as good as a regular person and I’ll probably always do things a little slower than the norm and never be an athlete!
Now to the present day, I have recently got hired at a part-time job, It’s only 10 hours a week max if that but it’s a job after a long time of being unemployed and It’s a start. People are nice and understanding or at least they seem much better than any other workplace I’ve been working in. They have been thanking me for my work and saying how good I’ve been, I’ve never had this before, most workplaces don’t thank me often and I don’t recall being told I’m doing a good job! I feel more confident in telling them about my disabilities if I need to and feel it won’t go against me like other times. We will see but for now, I’m confident I can actually keep this job for once. The only issue I have now is that at some point in the future, I won’t be able to work a job with only a small amount of hours, I’ll need more and If I don’t get it, I will need to leave this job I like so far and get into another job which I might end up hating and getting fired from.
Honestly, I hope one day I can achieve my dream of being self-employed, I won’t have to worry ever again about not doing a good enough job or getting fired, and let’s face it, not everyone is understanding towards people with disabilities. I don’t care about being rich, I just want to pay my bills and have some extra money each month to go out with my friends, that’s all.
